I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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