At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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