He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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