your thong is hanging out like whoa
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
