just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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