I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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