I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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