ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
