Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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