If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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