WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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