I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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