dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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