You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
