OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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