I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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