I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
