She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
