no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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