So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
