moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
