i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
