Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
