There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
third nipple confirmed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
