I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
