Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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