So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
