I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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