I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
