the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
