My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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