Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
