toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
