theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
