Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
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