She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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