508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
