This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
