did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
