My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
