Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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