i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
