I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
