I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
