Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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