why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
