just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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