You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize