I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
