I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
