smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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