yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
