We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
