Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
