There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
