So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
