those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
