I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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