I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
