Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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