she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
