My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
