I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
