I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize