she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
