i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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