white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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