I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
