Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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