Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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