Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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